My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Randomize
