I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
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