I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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