I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
It's a gift. Kind of like morning wood in my brain.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
