Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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