I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
Randomize
