i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize