they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
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