Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
