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I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
oh god the rape fog is back!
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
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