i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
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you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
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I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.