If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
You need Xanax blowdarts
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?