How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I'm gonna hop on that dick and ride it into the sunset
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.