if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
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woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
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Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more