All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I just gave myself a sponge bath with your sock. I hope you don't mind.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?