There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Whenever a guy asks me why I like weird sex stuff, I just answer, "Catholic School".
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Randomize
