I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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