Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
Randomize
