the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
The fact that he said "there's nothing wrong with being a raging drunk, just ask my mother." has me thinking that I have no positive role-models among my friends.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Randomize
