dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Randomize
