And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
Randomize
