Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
