Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
one two three fourrrrnication!
I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
23 Parents Gave Awful Advice about “The Birds and the Bees”
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
These 19 Deaths Are Ironically Hilarious
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...