his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.