I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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