oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
Randomize
