I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
