So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
If you bring me a slurpee and advil I will eat you out for like an hour.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
Randomize
