sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I fucked her ex bc she fucked mine but now we're cool and I'm watching her dog this weekend
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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