I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
