Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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