I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
