They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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