people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
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