Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
a queef is a wish your heart makes.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
