Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize