You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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