I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
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She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
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I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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