She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
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Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
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Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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