Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically