Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
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