There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
