why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
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