are you still at the devil's house?
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
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I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
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Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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