I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
