Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
Randomize
