he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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