Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
