You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
