How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
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You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
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It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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