Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
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