tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Dicks are not precious.
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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