I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Best feeling in the world is getting a random boob pic from a drunk chick at 3 am.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
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