My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
You ate ashes out of my bong
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Randomize
