So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
