your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
The seats are awesome but you see two of each player.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
Randomize
